Putting yourself out there

Long time no blog post. What's it been, 4 months?

Geez.

I'm not exactly sure if this blog post will have a point... Or if it'll just turn into a recount of what's been my busiest school term as of yet. 

This term has been all about me putting myself out to the world. (Or rather, my school.) Term 3 has been a 10-week-long struggle to push past that internal prison in which I've spent far too much time. Surely you've all been there. It's not an easy thing from which to break free.

However, today was a reminder of just how far I've come.

It was the last day of term 3 today, on which there's an annual event held at my school called the Big Day In. Similar to Big Day Out, but of course a school would change it to 'In' as a symbol of a school's prison-like quality.

Just me thinking that?

Eh, alright.

I've mentioned that I'm a songwriter, but I hadn't gotten many opportunities to showcase my songs.

Until today.

I'll tell you what happened: I signed up, I got up there -- just me, the piano and a mic -- and I exposed myself to everybody. 

(I didn't strip naked if that's what you're thinking. Don't get too excited.)

It's a daunting thing to do; you go up there and you're on your own, singing songs that haven't been approved by any English or music teachers -- just your own critical eye. And you wonder many things: "Will they think my stuff is crap? Will they judge me on my vocal slip-ups? Will they throw tomatoes at me?"

Ok perhaps not the third.

Point is, I did it.

And of that I'm proud.

Of course, with a performance comes a side effect, which in my case is an occasional twinge of discomfort when a thought of any slip-ups crosses my mind. Me, I experience a slight twitch here and there. Perhaps a visit to the GP would do me some good.

Another example of me putting myself out there? Trying out for music captain. This involved giving a speech to the music staff -- I swear, when I was speaking they were bearing into my soul -- and this year's music captains. Having not just the music staff, but also your peers judge you is extremely daunting. I could feel my anxiety levels heighten.

But I did it.

So the point of this post is that putting yourself out there is extremely intimidating. But it pays off. It's worth taking that first step in the right direction. Trust me, even I'm still learning about what I'm capable of, and this term has turned out to be a great example.

And so concludes another episode of "Confidence 101 with Lily".

Until next time.

Things to do in an exam if you finish early

I introduce to you my latest video explaining 5 methods to fight that boredom in an exam situation.
'Tis my first sketch video.
Gotta say. It was a lot of fun to make!

I've had a YouTube channel for a while but I only just recently started doing proper videos. I plan on doing covers, vlogs, sketches... The lot.

Check it out if you have le time.

Lily out.

There is no "old" or "new" you

For some strange reason, I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the concept of there being "old" and "new" versions of people. For instance, sometimes when I go onto YouTube to watch a music video, there tends to be many comments referring to the artist like:
"I miss the old ______."
"I prefer the old ______."
Or, on the other side of the spectrum:
"LOVING the new ______!"

I'm sure you've said something along these lines at some point. Right?
Don't worry, I have too.

But lately they've begun to annoy me.

I've devised a theory:

People are constantly changing. The way we act, the way we feel, the things we like, the things we don't. These things are changing all the time. We grow. We improve. We conform with the world around us.

Sometimes we want to go in new directions (Glee reference), and that can lead to something different. Sometimes following that new path feels... Right. We're made to change. But ironically, we're capable of being incredibly judgemental about it.

By referring to yourself as the "new you", you're implying that there is more than one version of you. There's no "old" or "new" you, because really, there's only one you.

Of course, I would say I've changed a lot since I started high school three and a half years ago. But I don't refer to that my 13-year-old self as "the old Lily". Why? Because she is, and always will be, a small fragment of the present Lily.

I could write an essay on this. Bloody hell.

An alternative theory is that our present day selves are in fact our "old selves", purely because we're... OLDER.

*badoom tss*

The importance of birthdays

So yesterday I turned seventeen. YAY FOR ME.

*cue out-of-tune rendition of 'Happy Birthday'*

I'd have to say birthdays are one of the most important things to me (both my own and others'). I believe everyone deserves to be spoiled rotten on their birthday, and I was so fortunate this year to have some truly wonderful people organize a surprise for me. 

When I went to fetch something from my locker, I was pleasantly shocked to discover it had been decorated with balloons, confetti, streamers, gifts and posters with colourful 'Happy Birthday's written on them.

It was so wonderful that I cried.

Oh, and among my gifts, two of my friends gave me condoms. HARDY HAR HAR.

(Hurrah for being the legal age.)

Then at recess we sat in a circle and ate chocolate and cookie dough and sang Happy Birthday for the entire hallway to hear. It was a truly memorable day.

This, people, is EXACTLY how birthdays are meant to be. Making somebody's birthday a day to remember is a small thing. But it can make such a big difference.

What I've learned from being sixteen

Before I turned sixteen, I had this idea of what it would be like. According to me, sixteen was filled with happiness; it would be the year that I would flourish. Boy, was I hopeful.

Well hey. I was very wrong indeed. 

Being sixteen turned out to be a swirling vortex of heartbreak, disappointment and sadness for me. I won't go into detail here, but it's safe to say my experience of this "monumental" age was a major letdown.

However, it's not all bad. With less than a week until my seventeenth, I can safely say I've been learning new things throughout the past year. Of that I'm quite proud.

Such things are as follows:

1. People can be disappointing.

2. Building up confidence is a long and hard process. It's not something that happens overnight. But you should never let that put you off.

3. Wallowing is a necessary part of getting over a bad breakup.

4. People come and go. But that's okay, because there are others out there waiting to fill their place.

5. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves time and let go.

6. It takes effort, but it's completely doable to keep your head held high.

7. Film music is freaking awesome.

Being a teenager really sucks. But you know what? These things are just part of life. And I'm hopeful that things will only get better from here. Doesn't necessarily mean it's gonna be easy, or even happy most of the time. In fact, it's okay that life can't be happy all the time. Because the deep sadness you're feeling only sharpens the effect of true happiness when it comes back.

I'm not sure what to expect of seventeen, other than the fact that I'll legally be able to have sex. 

(Oh goody. Fellas, form a line.)

However, learning all of these things has helped me grow as a person. Of course, I've still got a long way to go. But I look forward to the journey.

Ah corniness.

Being judged

There are times when we feel like our friends don't get us. That they judge us for how we feel. That we can't speak to them in confidence without feeling guilty. We fear they think we're being unreasonable. And in turn, we start to believe that we ARE being unreasonable, so we force our emotions into a bottle.

My question is... Who are we to judge other people's feelings?

If there's something going on with someone we love, and it's really hurting them, isn't that enough for us to be supportive and caring, no matter how big or small the problem is? Because frankly, being judgmental will in no way help them get over their issue; it only adds to it. 

When somebody talks about something that's going on their lives, we tend to compare it to our own problems. We then make a mental conclusion that their problems are complete and utter rubbish, so we try and shut them out.

Well hey, newsflash. The person is hurting, aren't they? Their issue is affecting them. So 9 times out of 10, it's not rubbish. What this person needs is someone to be understanding and tolerant; to not complain about them behind their backs. Some may not admit it, but as humans, this is all we want from people. The least we can do is try to understand. It could be difficult for the person to talk about it.

So next time we complain about how ridiculous we think our friend feels about something going on their lives, we need to put ourselves in their shoes for a moment. How would we feel if somebody thought that about us? We'd feel insulted, plus we'd experience more hurt.

Something to think about.

The Cup Song + songwriting

After seeing Carrie Fletcher's take on the cup song (a mashup containing many different songs), I decided to do my own:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTDKFWJwXlQ

And I gotta say, I'm quite proud of it. I had a lot of fun arranging it, and I'm happy with my final product.

So please, check it out. Or not, I'm not forcing you.

One day I hope to record my own songs/covers and put them on YouTube with little music videos a la Alex Goot/Boyce Avenue/other YouTube musicians. That, my friends, is my dream.

Wahoo, I have a dream! *insert Abba/Martin Luther King reference*

Next year in my final year of high school, I'll be doing a music subject called individual study. This will allow me to work on my songwriting/videomaking dream, which I'm very excited about. So you'll be hearing all about my music-making shiz next year. 

Of course, I'll still try and make time this year to work on it. It'll be difficult, given the demands of school this year, but I'll do my very best.

In the past I've written about 10 songs, none of which are extraordinary. In fact, most of them are quite hastily put together little ditties. However, they're still stepping stones in the process. I might come back to them and try to rework and improve them.

Note to all songwriters (and any other artist for that matter):

The very first things you put on the page? They don't have to be gold. Really they might be a lump of coal. It can take a few (or many) drafts to get your desired product. So don't give up.

Look at me pretending like I know stuff.